Your Job Search And The Habit of Self Rejection 

This month I wanted to discuss the concept of heart centered leadership from a different angle.. My last few entries have been about organizations and more of a macro level view, but this month I want to share how you can apply it directly to yourself, right now, in an area that has many people in a reactive state these days.

That area is your job search.. if you aren’t currently in a job search right now, chances are you were recently, or you know someone who is, Please forward this to them.

I don’t think anyone would argue that today’s world is changing faster than we humans can adapt to it. The headlines of the day can make us feel like our minds are in a washing machine – spin this way, spin that way, round and round we go..

As a job seeker, what are the “head” lines that go round and round in YOUR head? Chances are you didn’t choose to be laid off, downsized, rightsized or whatever HR is calling it – But you’re here now, and it’s easy to self – reject and repeat the same self talk headlines:

“Only bad people get fired, so I must be bad”

“I don’t fail, but I lost my position, so I’m a failure”

“My identity is my career, I just lost my career, what is my identity?”

Almost every thought becomes a variation of these themes, and if you wallow in that too long, you really internalize the negativity, and it becomes harder to engage opportunities with any sort of vigor. Our relationships can sour, and the bad things just avalanche.  Raise your hand if you’ve been there, or are there now.

We call this being reactive, and under resourced. In other words, you are at the mercy of emotion and stress, and lack mechanisms to bring you out of the ditch.

This sets the stage for self rejection. Which eventually becomes a learned reaction to stress. Which leads to more...Stress..Can you see the cycle?

To the point of this blog entry, we have to lead ourselves out of this reactive state, and do so mindfully, and having a heart for ourselves. One thing I’ve noticed in my work, it is incredible easy to pour positive emotions onto other people, our pets, families, causes, etc, but when it comes to pouring out love and affirming that love to ourselves, it becomes very difficult, so you have to do your best with it, until it becomes a habit.

You need to remember one thing:

You are not your job, your title or your career.. You are YOU. And thus worthy of acceptance and love towards yourself. And your family and pets still think highly of you. Take their word for it, and let them support you.

There are two types of stress -  Dis – stress, which is what we’ve been talking about, and Eu-stress, which is positive growth arising form dis-tress. So the question is, how can we turn our current stress into positive growth? I’ll leave you with this.

1) You have the power to choose what you stress over, and for how long. A country preacher once told me, “you can’t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you don’t have to let them nest in your hair”

2) You can replace the ugly negative self talk with positive affirmations.. if you can’t be positive, you can acknowledge you’re just not there yet, but you’re still good and worthy.

3) Get your job search organized and be disciplined about your plan -  this cures a lot by itself

4) Practice noticing when you are sliding into negative reactivity, and choose a different response.

5) Stop rejecting yourself. Taking career setbacks personally takes energy that could be used to advance your cause.

The bottom line is yes, you have to do the outer work of the job search, but you also have to do the inner work of self care, and leading yourself through the process so there’s more of you left when you get to the other side.  If you lead yourself gently and with kindness, and developing different habitual responses, you’ll make it.

Thanks, Coach Tom

Bio: Thomas Patrick Chuna, CHM, is a seasoned talent acquisition and organizational development specialist with nearly 30 years of recruiting experience across diverse verticals, including life sciences, bioinformatics, biopharma, and biotech. As Chief People Officer, he has built comprehensive hiring processes for technical and leadership roles while facilitating programs that enhance productivity, communication, and leadership effectiveness.

A certified Hiring Manager, DiSC consultant, Outplacement Consultant, and Certified Xchange Guide Facilitator, Tom specializes in helping organizations navigate change while building and developing leadership teams. He is an experienced webinar conductor and blogger on career and organizational transformation topics.